Like It Or Leave It

EDITED:-

 We’re still BEST FRIENDS…hahahah… talur sehari saja kami kelahi ani best friend tahhh balik…. and we’re working at the same company now… so i cant get rid of him that easy…. hehehehe…. im still glad and glad that he is still my brother and my best friend that i could count on…. TQ for being who you are…and STOP trying to pissed me off… which he did now!!!!  Dramatic banar kami kelahi dulu, abis wahh satu gang kumpul trying to patch things out… hehehe.. it was hilarious… im glad for the groups…18people hanging out everyday… life wont be complete without all of you…

First of all.. i have so many spelling mistake, wrong words being used…unorganize words… heck my english is rubbish..and i dont feel like editing it either… so bear in mind with the crappy things that i wrote…and no point for anyone to correct my english…because my IQ is very low!!! 

This goes to R…who was a friend, then became my close friend, then became my best friend and now who i used to  see him as a brother…unfortunately the 6 years of friendship have gone down the drain!!!…if ure reading this…yes i am being childish for posting this up…and yes i will TRY to stop blaming other people for the things that i could not achieve!!!!well since you wont answer my phone calls..and if by any chances that you are reading this blog…so here is why i BLOW A FUSE!!!!

i have 6 fucking course to do…which i am blaming myself and UBD for making my life a fucking shit hole!!!! and every damn afternoon (U ureself see that i will always have my books around!!!!) and u keep on saying ‘awal2 ani saja tuu…karang mana ada tuu taruh notes tuuu!!!!an insults that i repeatedly told u never to do” at night i couldnt sleep thinking of the notes that i havent done!!!! so yeah aku online…so blaming myself there!!!! tuesday,wednesday,thursday and saturday… my classes have NO BREAKS!!!!!! its either 3 hours straight or 5 hours straight!!!!!!! and my freaking classes starts DAMN EARLY in the MORNING!!!! my life is spent at OREN 24/7!!!! BASCIALLY…unlike u… I HAVE NO LIFE!!!!

My outburst happen like this!!!!!

I mention to J that i wasnt going in for IE tutorial…since i was in KB… unfortunately… J keeps on nagging me and lecturing me about why i just didnt tell my mum that i couldnt accompany her to KB, to my late-cuz makan 7 hari… and to me i thought that conversation ended…BUT UNFORTUNATELY J keep on nagging and complaining and lecturing the importance of missing tutorial…and he just couldnt stop to bugging me!!!! HOWEVER, UNFORTUNATELY u CAME at the wrong time, by interrupting the conversation by stating ‘I SAW URE BROTHER AT THE MALL’ and somehow… that gave the impression.. how come my brother was at the mall.. while i was at KB since its a family thing (which someone did mention about it)!!!! in other words… WITH THAT TONE OF URES, U WERE CREATING AN IMAGE OF ME LYING THAT I WAS IN KB” get it!!!!!!! so to get the two of you to stop asking me question I JUST HAD TO BLOW THE FUSE!!!!!!!!!!! and this happen right before PSE test…so the pressured from the RE test results, IMS test results and PSE TEST TAT DAY!!! was overwhelming that i had to SCREAM and SHOUT to u GUYS…which i am sorry for my CHILDISH BEHAVIOR!!!!but unfortunately…u DIDNT GET IT!!!! u didnt stop TALKING!!!! u keep on bugging mE!!!! that is why i am DAMN FURIOUS WITH U!!!!! U KNOW I GET EASILY PRESSURE WHEN IT COMES TO ACADEMIC!!!!i have been telling u…I AM NOT THAT CLEVER!!!!!I Try and i try…. WHAT MORE DO U WANT ME TO DO????? I told u… NEVER INSULT me when it comes to academic…DO U EVER LISTEN????? AT LEAST W understand!!!!!he knows and he try to give MORAL SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do u know that i actually cry that day… for shouting at you guys!!!! did u know that??????????? Before the test..i was crying outside…Where were you??? arent you suppose to be my brother who suppose to know me ‘as u claim u do!!!’ (YES if you read this, you might think…here she goes again blaming me!!!!) SHIT U KNOW malu ku wahh!!!!and dont even know what’s is going on in my HEAD!!!!!!During RE CLASS I WAS HAVING MIGRAINE!!!Headache saja ku the last two weeks…n stop saying its the fucking smoking faults!!!!I want my headache to go away…but everytime after the whole lectures/tutorial are done, my head feels like cramping!!!!!i could feel the tension in my head…and u know what scares me the most….THAT I WILL GO SENILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i try not to pressure myself..but i couldnt…i try not to think of it BUT I CANT either… I am so much AFRAID that i will end up being CRAZY!!! that is what bothering in my head!!! everyday i think that my life would be SHORT!!! U KNOW THAT!!!and im scared of that….(am i blaming u for it????)

NEVER HAVE I SHOUTED AT MY FRIENDS SO FULL OF ANGER IN PUBLIC!!!!!!!!!! YES LIFES a BITCH!!!!! arent friends suppose to help their friends to make their life NOT FULL OF SHIT!!!!!! to you a test is just a test… to me its not!!!!! i need this….. i need all my coursework to do well….hopefully helping me out for my FINALS….cos that when i SCREWED MY PAPERS!!!!!!! I am no ROBOT!!!! i have no HIGH IQ!!! i am FAT!!!! i am UGLY!!! there is nothing in me that i think highly of myself!!! my self – esteem level is ZERO percent.. i am a pessimistic!!!!! u know ALL THAT!!!!!!!!!! how i always look down on myself!!!!! am i blaming other people????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES I WAS CHILDISH….waiting for an apology!!! NOPE that was not what i was waiting…i was waiting for U TO BREAK THE ICE!!!!!! the coldness that i started!!!! U DAMN know how fucking stubborn i am!!!! you want to know why that afternoon and evening i didnt talk to u???!!! cos i had some issues to solve!!!! Both N and I cried out eyes out at OREN…thinking of how hurt we were about our past!!!! apparently i have an unsolved issues with L …he asked C, why aku inda berapa layan and stuff like that….so instead of letting L created assumption about WHY!!!! i had to solve that situation!!!!and FORGIVE ME FOR MY UNFRIENDLY ATTITUDE!!!! my life doesnt evolve U 24/7!!!u want to know what i did before the test…aside going to KB… i had to take care 6 kids!!!! at my sister’s crib…. which includes the cousin…i had to check on them every minute, because

1. they manage to colour the wall!!!!
2. they manage to hit each other
3. they make a huge water pool at the tv room
4. they manage to lock one of the room and up until now we cant open it..
5. they keep on going in and out of the house…to their neighbour without informing me!!!!
6. they left the house at freaking 11PM and sleep at their neighbour house without fucking informing me!!!!
7. i sleep at 12am and woke up at 4am!!! just to study!!!!!

ok.. if ure reading this.. i might sound as if im blaming on the kids!!!! FINE TAKE IT LIKE THAT IF U WANT!!!!! they are just kids who still need guidance and doesnt know what is wrong and what is right!!!!! NOTED THAT we are living at my sister’s IN-LAWS!!! someone else home, i was the only adult there,aside the grandmother who is too old to run here and there….SO YEAH THAT’s MY REASON WHY I DIDNT STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!screw u man….really screw u!!!!! since u want me to hate u so much.. here u go!!!! u got ure wish… u are officially in my hating list…and i know that when ure reading this… u will still blame aku!!!! and have negative views on me…. SO WHAT!!!! i dont care!!!! i dont need SOMEONE in my LIFE To BE COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WHAT IF I DIED ALONE!!!!! at least i DIED WITH DIGNITY AND PRIDE!!!!!!!!!!!! Im being a bitch here!!!!!! and i will be a bitch to you!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WHAT I DONT CARE!!! screw U!!! U WERE SUPPOSE TO BE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!! WHO WAS SUPPOSE TO UNDERSTAND ME BETTER THAN I UNDERSTAND MYSELF!!!!!!!SO SCREW U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucky now u have ure BABY to be by your side.. i hope you all the best wishes in life and may you be a better human being…. In conclusion…i am childish…no one can tolerant my behavior, u want to know why i see guys in negativity… yes i am blaming u this time… u know how G treat me…u know how L treat me… u should know what i want… and i was giving u a chance…. but u never fight for me!!!! i wasnt the one who have feelings (still not having that feelings) and when u fought for ure baby….u gave me an impression that I AM NOT THAT WORTH IT!!!! that my flaws of appearance wise is bothering u…. U never fought for me… u let me slip away that easily… and to this girl..whom u barely know, whom u found her attractive because her appearance and then manage to get to know how… U FOUGHT for it.. than ure Friend who u claim u know inside and outside….. well since u agree that we should let this friendship slip away… than im just not worth the drama…. and sorry for making you’re life childish… sorry for all the laughter and sorry if i PURPOSEDly touched ure car window when you told me not too…sorry for putting perfume at your jacket!!! sorry for making you feel like a girl…sorry for listening to all my sappy sad story!!! sorry for trying to be supportive with your decision…sorry for making you go to UBD and apply,when at first u didnt feel like going!!!! sorry for telling you ure X-Gf secrets…sorry for using your money!!!sorry for making u as a slave….sorry for disturbing your life and LASTLY SORRY FOR ENTERING IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……..

to any one who bump into this site… this post seems weird..and its just because of a misunderstanding..which i admit is my fault…and the way im posting is *no words can say* (if i argue with my real brother, it usually feels like gf/bf arguement…so since THIS GUY IS MY SO CALLED BROTHER*no blood relations* and what the hell am i furious about…is because…. he claim he knows me but honestly U DONT!!!! U never did and i dont think u ever WILL!!!!

if U read the repetition noted that I AM BEING RUDE!!!! im just repeating the fucking words that you claim that i am!!!

edited….

Here’s some add points of HOW I MAKE HIS LIVE A LIVING HELL!!!!!

i message him directly at 12am on his birthday!i always asked him to pay my phone bills first then pay him up (unfortunately last month bill i still havent pay him), on his birthday, i really wanted to celebrate it -because he broke up with his x and there is no one to organize his birthday, on his birthday celebration at home – i wanted to drive on my own since the others were taking their sweet time to go to his place BUT N told me not to drive at night, on his birthday i was so damn broke that i had to used the remaining money that i had to buy something that i thought would be nice for him, everytime i have a problem i would called him up and talk to him, first day of 2007 we split the bills for eating breakfast, on my anniversary with my X he was with me to listen to my sappy stories, i would always torture his life by making him to buy me drinks if i were at the gym, i would ask him to come meet me up if im bored, i would make him as a driver if im lazy to drive, i would be mean and insults him, i would keep on mentioning his past (which no one like), he was my lunch partner when we want to try to expensive pricey food, he would be the one that i hang out with rather than my X, he would help me whenever i need help, he used to scold me if i dont want to show up in UNI, i would worried if he havent done his work, i worried like hell last semester thinking that he havent been studying(asking people have he studied), i always called him names, i make him life a living hell, i smoke in his car when he told me not too, i enjoy torturing him infront of our friends, i have never been grateful having him around (which is NOT true… if i have never been grateful, i wouldnt be the 1st person to pact things up, when i was being a BITCH) REMEMBER U WANTED ME OUT OF URE LIFE LAST YEAR!!! But as i said, repeatedly to any guys…it would take time for me to crawl back into your life!!!, i would called him at 5am in the morning crying telling him how scared my dream was… i try not to get involve between him and his x… i try avoid him since i know i was bugging his life, i try NOT to be MEAN/Bitchy towards him But he ends up relighting the flame, i never be nice to him, i am always rude to him, i am always insulting him and he would always be the first person i called up if i have a problem with guys….

i guess from sentences above this…i really do make ure life a living hell… but if u know me very well…i have always appreciate everything u do!!! I may not show it, because ‘learning from my past’ as quoted from L “i am a good actor” he himself didnt know whether i was jealous after one month we broke up he mention about another girl… and i never showed him my weakness…. i am a girl not yet a woman… i guess i never understand the meaning of relationship, since i am not good at it… i always enjoyed the road trip, i was excited to know where you’re FOREST is…i hate the fact you tend to drive fast not caring the people in your car!!! yes i do drive fast and AS A FEMALE – we are bad drivers (get the tone right!!) I guess it is I who dont understand u… it is me who never appreciate u (as what u claim) but u r wrong…. i know u stop talking about ure baby cos ure afraid u r boring me out… i know u hate the fact that i read ure personal messages (from MD up until UBD), i know you know that everytime you say something i would always have a negative feedback, u never understand y i cant accept ure ideas when it comes to UNi work, u hate it when i never get your ideas, u hate it when i try to correct ure ideas, u hate it when i dont believe if u did ure readings, u hate it that i shows no interest what so ever with your conversation, u hate it when i indirectly insults the special person in ure life hence make u feel its not worth mentioning her to me since i have negative views on her, u hate it that im sounding more like my X, i even hate myself for complaining about money.

if your reading this… please comment… since your not answering my called… just correct me all my mistakes, and i will accept it gracefully and try to act more mature WHEN IM READY!!!! a special quote from him “Life’s a Bitch” NOW WE’RE EVEN!!!!!!!!!!